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Sex education by teens, for teens. Sex, Etc. is published by Answer.

April 23, 2014 4:01 pm
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12:52 pm

askerquestioner

Anonymous: My bf and I have very frequent sex, between school and siblings we find a way, and I have gotten used to having sex daily or every other day. But on days where we may not do it for whatever reason, I feel the need to usually masturbate. In talking it seems that is normal, especially when you first start having sex routinely. Lately I have been reading YA novels and erotica since it turns me on, but I also like looking at porn and masturbating and I dont feel guilty, Is that a bad thing?

Hi anon,

You don’t have to feel guilty if you like masturbating! Masturbation and enjoying masturbating, even while in a sexual relationship with a partner is completely normal. It’s also normal if people don’t like masturbating or don’t like to masturbate if they are in a relationship. There’s no right or wrong way to think about masturbating or masturbating while in a relationship. But you don’t have to feel guilty for not feeling guilty.

I hope this helps!

P.S. A quick note for all about accessing porn: Porn is illegal for those under 18 to access. We know teens look at porn, but at Sex, Etc. we also know that it can sometimes give teens unrealistic expectations about their bodies, their partners’ bodies or what sex is like (for example, safer sex is rarely practiced in pornography). Just something to think about!


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April 22, 2014 8:15 am

askerquestioner

positiveolive: Hi, in August I start my first year of college, I had first planned to go to become a school counselor so I can reach out to teens in that way. (because being a rape survivor, among other things, I'm a teen mother, and thought I could use my negative experiences to help.) but upon doing more research, I'm more interested in teaching sex education , as my state is awful in proper sexEd and resources. (over half of my high school senior class are parents) What degrees could lead me in this field?

Hi ,

This is a great question! The truth is that there are lots of different paths that someone can take to become a sexuality educator. If you are interested in teaching it in school to school-age students you might study health education and become a health teacher. Or, if you want to educate through a local non-profit sexuality education organization you might study public health or human sexuality. Lots of people also get a degree in health communication or another major entirely and end up getting a master’s in public health or human sexuality.

There’s really no one clear cut path. You might start by looking at what degrees are offered at your college and see what could be a good fit for what you want to do. You can also talk to an academic adviser or ask a professor who teaches a class on human sexuality what they suggest you major in at your school to get the major that best meets your needs and goals.

I hope this helps!


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April 21, 2014 1:15 pm

askerquestioner

Anonymous: Hi. I'm 16 and have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. We planned to have sex for the first time this summer but now I'm not sure if that's what I really want. He sees it as a sign that I don't want him in that way or trust him. I do I'm just not sure if I'll be ready. I really worry and stress over this. My sister says to wait until senior year but idk If I can do that. Some days I really want to and somedays I feel guilty and awful. Help!

Hi anon,

It’s totally normal to some days want to have sex and others days to decide you aren’t ready. It’s great that you can talk to both your partner and your sister about this, but it sounds like you need to really get in touch with what you think and feel in order to make the decision. It’s totally OK to change your mind, it’s OK to change it more than once, and it’s OK if you decide to have sex with your partner, do so and then decide you don’t want to keep having sex. The only right decision is the one that makes you happy and comfortable—it’s the one that feels right to you.

It’s understandable that your partner might take your hesitation as being unsure about your relationship as opposed to just unsure about having sex. Try explaining to him how you are feeling and what you are thinking. Hopefully, after hearing your thoughts he will understand and respect your decision and see that it’s about you feeling good about your decision and it’s not about him. No matter what he shouldn’t pressure you to do something you aren’t ready for.

You might find this FAQ on deciding if someone is ready to have sex and on steps to take before you have sex—if that’s what you decide to do—helpful.

I hope this helps.


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1:03 pm

askerquestioner

Anonymous: My boyfriend and I made out and dry humped but the I aslo wanked him & gave him a blowjob & he rubbed my vagina through my underwear but now my period is late. I'm always regular and have never been more than a day late. I'm really worried

Hi anon,

There is no risk for pregnancy from the situation you described. A pregnancy can only occur if sperm are deposited inside of the vagina or on the vaginal opening and sperm can’t get through fabric.

Periods can be late for lots of reasons, stress, change in sleeping, eating or exercise habits or if you have gained or lost weight. If you are concerned you may be pregnant though you can take a pregnancy test. The most accurate time to take a pregnancy test is the day before a period is due or if your period is late. You can either take one at home or in a local free or low-cost and confidential clinic near you. Find a clinic.

While there is no risk for pregnancy, there is a high risk for the transmission for STDs. You and your partner may want to consider going to the clinic to be tested for STDs. And in the future you may want to consider using a condom when performing oral sex on him. Condoms are not only 98-percent effective with perfect use at preventing pregnancy but they are highly effective at preventing the transmission of STDs. Learn how to use a condom.

I hope this helps.


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10:56 am

askerquestioner

Anonymous: I'm a 16 yr old girl and so horny all the time but I got no boyfriend and I always finger myself like every day. Is that normal ? And any self pleasure tips?

Hi anon,

Its normal for all teens, no matter their gender, to feel sexually aroused. It’s normal for teens to masturbate, as well. It’s also normal if teens don’t feel sexually aroused or if they don’t like to masturbate.

For more information on girls and masturbation you might want to check out this FAQ or this story.

I hope this helps!


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9:00 am

askerquestioner

Anonymous: I had unprotected sex repeatedly with my bisexual friend. He has a male partner. They both claim to be clean. What are the risks?

Hi anon,

Because you mention that your friend has a male partner and that your friend is bisexual, I think you’re mentioning this because you are female. If that is true then the situation you describe has a high risk for pregnancy in addition to the high risk for STDs.

The only way to know for sure if someone has an STD is to be tested. You can get tested at a local free or low-cost and confidential clinic near you. Find a clinic.

You can also be tested for pregnancy at the clinic.

In the future you may want to consider using a condom. Condoms are 98-percent effective with perfect use at preventing pregnancy and are highly effective at preventing the transmission of STDs. Learn how to use a condom.

I hope this helps.


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April 20, 2014 9:25 pm

askerquestioner

Anonymous: What would you suggest besides talking with a partner about making love even if you decided you wanted to remain a virgin until marriage like lets say they agree and all but how would you be sure that your significant other was compatible in that type of sense. I know that some people just aren't.


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9:04 pm

askerquestioner

Anonymous: Perhaps suggest to the anon that likes being in control but also likes being a princess that she do a search for "devotional sex". It combines both of those elements in a unique way that give her control while still remaining a 'princess'.

Thanks for this! Would you mind responding directly to her post?


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9:03 pm

askerquestioner

Anonymous: I've recently been noticing chunks of a black/grey tissue when I masturbate and it's very alarming, I've recently switched to using two fingers instead of one could that be the cause of it? I am not sexually active beyond mutual masturbation.

Hi there. I understand you’re nervous about what’s going on and the best thing to do is to see a health care provider since something unusual is going on with your body. Sexual or not, this is something that should be addressed.

It’s hard to tell exactly what you’re describing. First off, I assume you’re a girl, and I believe you’re saying that you are putting your fingers inside of yourself and then noticing some black or gray material when you remove your fingers. This could be a sign of an infection, especially if there is also an odor from your vagina and/or the discharge. It could also just be something else that should be treated.

If you feel comfortable, speak with a parent about your concerns; they can then take you to your regular doctor to find out what’s going on. If you are concerned about confidentiality and don’t feel comfortable and/or safe speaking with your parents about this issue, you could call 1-800-230-PLAN (7526) to be connected to the Planned Parenthood health center nearest you. Even if you’re not sexually active, they could provide an exam or at least some medical advice.

I hope this information helps you find an answer soon.


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8:41 pm

askerquestioner

Anonymous: I'm on birth control(on my second month) and my period hasn't started on the same day as my "Sugar Pills" do. Should I be worried of pregnancy or can my period just not come on the first day of "Sugar Pills?"

It’s normal not to bleed right away when you reach the fourth week of placebo or sugar pills. You may not start bleeding until a couple to a few days into those pills. I hope that makes you feel more at ease each month.


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April 19, 2014 1:45 pm

askerquestioner

Anonymous: So its been a week since i took plan b and i got a light period and its a week early. Does that lessen the chance of me getting pregnant?

That you had a light period a week early doesn’t necessarily determine on its own whether or not you’re pregnant. The best way to know for sure that you’re not pregnant is to pick up and take a home pregnancy test. You can find one at pharmacies for about $10-20, with the price depending where you live and which brand you choose. It’s good to wait to take a home pregnancy test until one week after your period was due so that the results are more accurate. It can be stressful to wait for the results, but since you took emergency contraception (Plan B) within a few days of sex, you’ve already decreased the chance that you are pregnant. There’s more information on emergency contraception and its effectiveness here: http://bit.ly/1gJvuQK


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1:32 pm

askerquestioner

Anonymous: What can you do if one wishes to remain a virgin until marriage but also wants to be sure the other person would be right for them in the way they had preferences in making love or that they would be compatible? I know that sexuality is a big part of a relationship but what would happen in these types of cases, I know the two people can talk it out for sure, but what about when it actually comes down to doing it?

If you’d like to remain a virgin until marriage, you can explore sexual things without having sex so that you get to know one another—your likes and dislikes and how you relate sexually. It’s up to you and your partner to decide what you feel comfortable with. You may want to kiss and touch one another but not want to have oral sex. You may want to have oral sex but not other kinds of sex, such as penile-vaginal sex (if you’re a guy and a girl).

Another thing to keep in mind is that not everyone defines virginity the same way. This FAQ goes over that topic: http://bit.ly/1gJtvMe

If you have open and honest communication and get to know one another, that can go a long way in becoming close and intimate. Good communication now could help your future sex life be more rewarding because you’ll be used to talking to each other about what works and doesn’t work for each of you sexually.


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1:15 pm

askerquestioner

Anonymous: Hi, so I've been thinking about this for some time now and what would happen if you tried having children with someone that had aids ? What would happen to the Heath of the child? I've also been wondering if there is any way that a girl can tell if a guy is a virgin ? I've always wondered this but in sex ed class these are things our teachers would never talk about. Thanks in advance!

Even if someone is HIV-positive or has AIDS and is pregnant, her baby can be born HIV-negative. Here’s some information from the Center for Disease Control about mother-to-child HIV transmission: http://1.usa.gov/MRZVfa

No, there is no way to tell if a guy is a virgin because there is nothing that happens, physically, to a guy after he first has sex, that proves he is no longer a virgin. In fact, there really isn’t a foolproof way to tell that a girl is a virgin. Here’s a great FAQ on how you can’t even tell if a girl is a virgin: http://bit.ly/1i4NvIA

Hope these answers help!


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1:01 pm

askerquestioner

Anonymous: What is your take on having a sexual preference towards people of certain skin colors?

People can be attracted to one another for a very wide range of reasons, but something to think about is whether a person’s decision to be or not be sexually involved with someone is based on a bias about a certain race.


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