Anonymous: I'm 19 and virgin (and I like that). I've been masturbating for a long time and have never had a problem with feeling dirty or anything. I've recently met this boy (who is also a virgin) that I really like and we've almost had sex twice. Since then whenever I masturbate I can't help fantasizing he's watching or with me or we're actually having sex. But then I start crying EVERY time. Idk what it is but I just really want to know why this might be happening?
The only person who can really figure what might be happening is you. You are the expert on your feelings, values, emotions and attitudes towards sexual behaviors.
You say you have never felt guilty about masturbating, but perhaps you might be feeling guilty about fantasizing about engaging in sexual behaviors with another person. You say that you like being a virgin, and it is great that you have defined what that means for yourself and are comfortable with it. You might have feelings of guilt related to engaging in sexual behaviors or “almost having sex.” That might be why you end up becoming very emotional.
These are just possibilities however, only you can really examine your feelings and figure out why.
It might help for you to talk to someone about this, either a trusted adult or a trained counselor. Someone who can help you to take a look at what you are feeling and why you feel this way.
I hope this helps.