Anonymous: I'm 17, virgin, female. I've never dated/kissed anyone. Heres the thing: the idea of me having sex with a girl grosses me out and the idea of me having sex with a guy makes me uncomfortable in a bad way. The idea of sex in general doesn't really do much for me, like I've never masturbated nor do I want to. What is my sexuality? And is this normal?

Hi anon,

It is completely normal what you are feeling and experiencing. Some people have a lower libido, or “sex drive,” meaning their desire for sexual behaviors is just low. This is normal. Some people don’t really experience sexual desires until they find a specific person that they want to engage in sexual behaviors with, and this is also completely normal. And some people identify as asexual.

Asexuality is when someone has no sexual feelings or desire to ever engage in sexual behaviors with a partner. They can experience arousal, but not desire to act on that arousal. They may want a relationship and enjoy some behaviors such as kissing, but to them emotional intimacy is what a relationship is all about. Asexuality is also completely normal. For some more information on asexuality you may want to check out the Asexual Visibility and Education Network.

We can’t tell you what constitutes your sexuality. Sexuality is more than just your sexual orientation—who you are attracted to. It is deeply personal and only you can decide how you identify and choose to define your sexuality. That can sounds like a big task, and it can be hard to not have all of the answers, but some people feel empowered knowing that only they can decide how they define their sexuality.

I hope this helps.