Anonymous: how do you break up with someone on the basis that you are just not physically attracted to them without being insulting

Hi anon,

It can be hard to know how to end a relationship. But, when someone does end a relationship, it’s usually best to do it in the most respectful way possible. You can end the relationship without explicitly saying that you are no longer physically attracted to someone.

Honesty is usually the best policy, but when honesty unnecessarily hurts someones feelings, it’s not always good. Saying to your partner that you’ve grown a part and want to see different people. Or that you don’t think you are a good match for each other and want to break up, is honest without having them feel badly about their body or the way they look. It’s obviously OK to no longer be attracted to a partner—it happens. But it’s not necessary to tell them that if it’s going to really hurt them in a way that can be avoided. Break ups are going to hurt each person no matter what, but trying to minimize the pain is the best way to go.

Anonymous: How do you keep yourself from becoming too attached to a new boyfriend/girlfriend?

Hi anon,

It can be hard when someone gets into a new relationship and is concerned about getting hurt. Sometimes, the fear of getting hurt emotionally causes people to try and stay distant from a new partner.

This fear is completely normal. But, we can’t always totally protect ourselves from getting hurt. The best way to try and make sure that someone is right for you in a relationship is to take things slow and get to know each other as friends. If there is mutual respect and understanding and good communication in a relationship then even if two people break up, chances are it will hurt, but a lot less than a break up that is mean or disrespectful.

I hope this helps.

Anonymous: I don't know what sexuality I am. I never get 'crushes'. I used to, but then once I got over the puppy love stage and tried to become more serious/realistic, I simply didn't get romantic feelings anymore. I realize there's a term aromantic, but aromantics are supposed to not want romantic relationships. I definitely want relationships. I simply... can't feel the attraction? Is it possible to have a successful relationship if you don't love, only lust? Is there a term for that...?

Hi anon,

Sexuality is a lot more than just a person’s sexual orientation. Sexuality includes intimacy, reproductive health, a person’s gender and sexual orientation. So everyone has sexuality.

It seems like you are saying, and please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, that you experience physical attraction to someone but not emotional attraction after a while. You want a relationship and feel physical or sexual attraction, but after the lust wears off a bit you realize that you don’t want a relationship with your partners.

Since you say you do want relationships that are more serious (which we are taking to mean long term) it may just be that you haven’t found someone who you are ready to be in a long-term relationship with yet. It seems that you have found people who are sexually attractive, but not emotionally attractive to you. You may not have found the right partner yet. Relationships involve a lot of emotional intimacy and it can be hard to find the right person to share that with. This is only what it sounds like from the (very limited) information given here, and based on the fact that you say you do want romantic relationships. But if you realize you do identify as aromantic, that is completely valid and normal as well.

Especially when you are a teen and may only have a limited number of people that you want to date because of where you are, or because you may be more mature or looking for different things that the other people around you. This is all normal.

I’m not sure if there is an exact term for what you are talking about — if someone knows of one please feel free to comment!

As for whether or not you can have a successful realtionship, that really depends on what you define as “successful.” Relationships can be very different and mean very different things to different people. You and a partner might define “success” much differently than you and another partner or two other people completely. Only you and your partner can decide what you want out of a relationship and what you will define its success by.

I hope this helps.

We have an official position on love: we like it.

— DoSomething.org (@dosomething) May 9, 2012

Anonymous: How can I find a girl?

Hi anon,

Many teens find partners to date at school or through extra curricular activities. Meeting someone through a club, a sport or a group is very common, plus it helps that you already have something in common with them!

sanfransarah: I have a huge crush on my mom's friend's son. But he just turned 28 & I'm only 17 (I'll be 18 in July this year)! My mom hired him to teach me how to drive over the summer so I could get my license. I've known him for almost 4 years, but really got to know him better last summer. We have a lot in common, more than I can explain in the limited space provided. He's never made a move. Right now he's in Morocco for the Peace Corps. I really miss him but wish him the best. How do I get over him?

Hi girlydork,

Having a crush on someone who is older can happen to many people. It seems as if you feel this wouldn’t be a good time to get involved with someone much older, and you’re probably right. It may be that you are attracted to certain qualities that he has that you see in him, but that aren’t present in guys your age that you know. Meeting new people and getting to know other guys who have similar qualities may help you to get over him.

We get a lot of questions about teens wanting to date someone older. We even have an FAQ about it! You can check it out here.