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Sex education by teens, for teens. Sex, Etc. is published by Answer.

October 10, 2013 8:37 am

askerquestioner

Anonymous: My boyfriend watches porn. What do I do?

Hi anon,

Pornography is made for adults. While we don’t recommend that teens watch porn we recognize that many teens do and that many adults incorporate it into their sexual behaviors. The reason we recommend that teens do not watch porn is that it can give them unrealistic expectations for what their and their partner’s bodies should look like, what sex looks like and often porn does not show partners practicing safer sex. Check out this teen written story for more information on teens and porn.

If you are uncomfortable with your partner viewing porn, you should talk to him. Tell him why it bothers you and have an open, honest and respectful conversation.

I hope this helps.


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April 17, 2013 11:53 am

askerquestioner

Anonymous: While I would never tell him what he can and can not do, let alone with his own body, Im very uncomfortable with my boyfriend looking at porn. This may root from low self esteem, but I find it really odd that society says that I HAVE to be okay with my boyfriend looking at nakes girls the moment Im not around, other wise Im a 'crazy bitch'. Am I wrong?

Hi anon,

It can be tough when one of the messages girls get from society is that to be “cool” or “not crazy” they have to be OK with their partners looking at pornography. Some people may be OK with it and some people may not be. But neither is right or wrong. Both opinions are normal and healthy.

(Quick side note: porn is made for people over 18, and we don’t suggest that teens view porn because it can give them unrealistic ideas of what their bodies, their partners’ bodies and sex should look like, but we acknowledge that lots of teens do look at porn and adults can look at porn and have it be a normal and healthy part of their sexuality.)

You are not weird or wrong to be uncomfortable with this, but I like how you say you don’t want to control what he does with his body. This signals that you are definitely trying to approach this conversation in a healthy way. And that’s what this is probably going to need to be: a conversation between you and him. You can express your discomfort and how this makes you feel. He may be willing to stop looking at porn because it makes you uncomfortable. Or, he may not.

Different people have different values when it comes to lots of things, including porn. And in this case your values or wishes might not line up. Some people can compromise on this, and some can’t. It’s OK if your values don’t align, and it’s normal for things to not work out between couples when this happens, that doesn’t make either person bad or wrong or “crazy” it’s just part of life and relationships.

But, the only way you’ll be able to hopefully work through all this is to talk to him. You probably want to choose a time when you’re alone, not doing anything sexual and have some time to talk. You might show him this question to get the conversation started or just bring up your feelings. A partner who cares about you will be open to talking about this.

I hope this helps.


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November 2, 2012 10:26 am

askerquestioner

Anonymous: If I like to watch lesbian porn but have a boyfriend who I love and love to have sex with does this mean I'm bisexual? I don't want to have a girl as a partner or anything like that.

Hi anon,

It is completely normal for people to be turned on by a behavior that they like to fantasize about that they would not engage in in their real life. Just because someone enjoys watching same-sex behaviors does not necessarily mean that they are gay, lesbian or bisexual. There is a difference between sexual orientation (who a person is sexually and romantically attracted to) and sexual behavior (the different sexual activities they engage in).

Just a note though, pornography is illegal for anyone under 18 to buy or access. We know that some teens enjoy watching pornography, but it can give them unreal expectation for what sex is like and what their partners’ and their bodies should look like. Just something to think about!

I hope this helps!


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July 16, 2012 2:46 pm
"While porn can show you how different people have sex, there’s a lot that we need to learn about sexuality that we won’t find in porn."

Sex, Etc. staff member Luisa, 15, talks about sexuality and the fantasy vs. reality of porn.

(Source: sexetc.org)


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10:58 am
Pornography is a world of fantasy, not reality, but people turn to it to learn about sex. It makes sense that people would be curious about sex, but where does the fantasy end and the reality begin?

Pornography is a world of fantasy, not reality, but people turn to it to learn about sex. It makes sense that people would be curious about sex, but where does the fantasy end and the reality begin?

(Source: Flickr / pinkspleen)


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March 23, 2012 1:31 pm

askerquestioner

Anonymous: Is it ethical to watch porn from a "user-submitted" source? (Because consent isn't verified)

Hi anon,

Watching or owning pornography is illegal for anyone under the age of 18. It is normal for teens to be curious about porn and sex. However, it can give people unrealistic expectations about sex, their bodies and their partners’ bodies. Not to mention, sometimes porn doesn’t show what sex is really like. For instance, a lot of times condoms aren’t used, even though we know that condoms are 98-percent effective with perfect use at preventing pregnancy and are highly effective at preventing the transmission of STDs.

While it is up to adults to decide if they want to watch pornography and what kind, the idea of consent is always important. Partners should talk before they have sex, during and after. No one should make someone else do something sexually that they do not want.

Check out Elizabeth’s story Porn: No Substitute for Real Sex Ed for more information.


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November 15, 2011 8:36 pm

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10:24 am
"Teens are curious about sex, and that’s normal. It also makes sense that some would want to check out porn, especially when there isn’t much information available to teens about sex and relationships, particularly in school. But what messages are they getting from porn?"

Sex, Etc. staff writer Elizabeth, 17, talks about why porn is no substitute for real sex ed.

(Source: sexetc.org)


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10:15 am
Porn is no substitute for real sex ed! Sex, Etc. staff writer Elizabeth, 17, gets real about the fantasy world of porn in this week’s feature story.

Porn is no substitute for real sex ed! Sex, Etc. staff writer Elizabeth, 17, gets real about the fantasy world of porn in this week’s feature story.

(Source: Flickr / pinkspleen)


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